So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
