Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
