I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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