i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize