Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
