just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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