There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
