Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
