i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
