Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
