just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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