so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Boobs are out for the taking
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
