We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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