she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
