I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
