what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
