Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i drank out of a bidet.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
