I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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