If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
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If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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