i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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