i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
