And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
