the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Randomize
