I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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