wanna go halves on a baby?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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