They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
