i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the day after is always just damage control
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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