My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize