Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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