I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
