I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
