:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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