my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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