Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
