Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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