Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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