I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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