wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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