haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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