I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
