we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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