She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
