new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
