haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i need some magic done to my vagina
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
