Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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