Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
