I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
