I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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