Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize