Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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