My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I love you.
Bad choice
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
