booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
