Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
