I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
