You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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