I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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