i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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