I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
