Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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