Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
