I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
