I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
