I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
well most of my day revolves around power hour
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
