He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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