I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
