she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
