There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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