And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How does one acquire holy water?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
