I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize