I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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