i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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