I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In other news, I just burned my penis
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
