Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
