Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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