I hate all girls vehemently.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
