i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We are two peas in an std pod
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
