Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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