Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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