Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
