I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
