for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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