Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
