Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
