Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
