I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize