Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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