My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
