if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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