I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
