She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
